- The 44-year-old anonymous mother wonders if she’s in the wrong.
- She said her 25-year-old daughter wanted to completely change her wedding dress.
- Despite her promise, she changed her mind.
A mother has sparked controversy after revealing she refused to let her daughter wear a wedding dress because she wanted to take off the skirt and wear the bodice as pants so she could wear a suit on her special day.
An anonymous mother, 44, wrote on Reddit that her 25-year-old daughter (who declined to give her name) was getting ready to marry her girlfriend, 27, and wanted to drastically change her current wedding dress. I explained that there was. – her deceased husband.
She had promised her daughter a wedding dress when she was little, but now she wants to wear a suit instead of a gown, so she plans to remove the skirt of the dress and match the body to the pants. I explained that I was doing it.
The mother has now sparked a heated conversation in a thread titled ‘Am I an a**hole?’, questioning whether she is wrong for not allowing her daughter to transform her dress.
She said: “My (44-year-old) daughter (25) is planning to marry her girlfriend (27) later this year.”
“I always dreamed of walking her down the aisle (her husband passed by when she was a child). When she was a child, she talked about her future wedding, played bride, I had fun choosing the flowers, colors, and venue.
“She loved watching my wedding video and watching me and her father get married, and it was important to our bond. When she was 13, I told her I promised I would wear a wedding dress.”
The anonymous mother explained that as her daughter became a teenager, her style became more masculine and she only wore pants.
When she got a girlfriend and proposed, her mother was supportive.
The post read, “I have always been very supportive of this whole thing, even when she met her girlfriend and proposed.” I encouraged her as much as I could. I am a huge contributor to weddings. ”
And although things were always smooth sailing between her and her daughter, they started running into difficult situations when she didn’t want her to change her wedding dress.
Furthermore, she added: “I recently called her and asked her when she wanted me to bring her the dress as it was going to need some alterations, and she bombarded me by saying that she wanted to put on a suit, make alterations to her wedding dress, and take off the skirt. The bodice is designed to be worn with pants. I agreed at first, but then dragged my feet and brought the dress.”
Despite saying yes to her daughter, the mother was still wondering if she should ditch the dress.
She said: “A few weeks later, I changed my mind and said the dress was important to me and I didn’t want her to ruin it.” I promised her the dress, and she Because she thought she would wear it as a dress, and it would have to be a dress for her to be able to wear it.
“I suggested to her girlfriend that she could wear it as a dress instead, but my daughter said it would still be ruined (her girlfriend is a much bigger woman than me, so She hasn’t answered any of my messages since, except for messages like this: “The dress is a connection to her father, so she regrets not having it.” I did.
“I suggested we go shopping for a replacement dress, but some members of my family thought I was discouraging her from wearing dresses because I didn’t agree with her being masculine. It seems that some people are.”
At the end of her post, she questioned whether she was a “terrible person”.
The post sparked a heated debate as people rushed to the comments section to share their thoughts.
Some people blamed the mother and sided with her daughter, adding that she should be able to change her gown.
One said, “No, it will not be destroyed.” The skirt can be replaced. When putting on and taking off a wedding dress (as OP happily did for her daughter’s fiancé), she often removes part of the skirt to adjust the gathers. ”
Another user added: “I don’t think you’ve considered all the possibilities.
“For example, my wedding dress was A-line with princess seams and had appliqués on the bodice. The ‘panels’ are vertical, so you can literally ‘remove’ the skirt from the bodice without cutting everything off. There is no way.
“It’s not a common style now, but it was somewhat popular in the ’90s. I think it was probably around the time this woman got married.”
Another said, “I’m not sure if what the OP is saying is ‘permanently destroy’.” My understanding is that her daughter removed her bodice and she wants to wear pants with it. Technically, there’s nothing stopping OP from putting her bodice back on and asking her seamstress to put her skirt back on after the wedding. ”
Another commented: “YTA. It’s okay to say something like, “I know you promised me when I was a child, but that dress is still very dear to me. As a memory of my dad.” Then it’s NA H.
“But your post is totally dripping with the disdain you’re trying so thinly to hide. A bold suit, it seems so shocking and wrong. You want her to ‘ruin’ you.” I’ll tell you no. And you offered to go “dress shopping with her.” It’s not wedding outfit shopping, it’s dress shopping.
It’s your dress, but she wants to make it her own in honor of her father. As a memory with your husband…that’s fine. But this isn’t a story about her changing it (as long as it’s her dress, it doesn’t seem ok for her future wife to change it significantly), this isn’t about you asking her to wear a suit and It’s about not wanting it. ”
But many others flooded the comments section to share their support for the mother.
One person said: “NTA. You offered to ‘lend’ her dress or let her ‘use’ it, but not tear it up in a way that would destroy it forever.” This dress is yours, filled with vivid memories. If you can’t return it in its original condition, then no. You are not one to change your mind on this matter. You may need to ask a professional seamstress about what is possible. I assume you have other properties that her father actually owned, and she might be able to incorporate one of those. Or recreate the bouquet. Cake, or something similar – if that connection is what she’s looking for. ” But others may have posted in the comments section to defend her mother. However, others may have posted in the comments section to defend her mother.
Another user wrote, “Agreed – NTA. She lost her father and you lost your husband too. I can’t believe you are so sentimental about this dress and seen changed beyond recognition.” It’s completely understandable not to want to. Parents don’t have to give every part of themselves to their children. Your own feelings and needs are acceptable. And save the dress you wore when you married your late husband. It’s perfectly legitimate to want to. You made that promise in good faith, so I’m sure I’ll keep it if it doesn’t mean changing this keepsake completely.”
Another said: “Basically, I want my wedding dress to just be a dress.” And while her daughter wants to incorporate it into her wedding outfit, she doesn’t want it to be a dress anymore. Even if she allowed her to change it, it would still be her heirloom, but it wouldn’t be a vintage dress.
“I think you have the right to tell her you want to keep it because that dress has so much sentimental value to you. Just make sure her suit looks great,” NTA said.
One user said: “Some people like to hold on to things that have sentimental value even if they have no ‘use’ for them.” Her wedding dress was a huge connection to her late husband, and it’s understandable that it hurts to see it basically destroyed, especially since it’s filled with so many cherished memories. ‘
Another commented: “The length of the dress and the fabric are different.” You promised her your dress, not a piece of fabric that could be molded into something else. N.T.A.
